Dildo

How To Begin With A Dildo

According to Searah Deysach, a sex educator and owner of the feminist sex shop Early to Bed, the first move is to think about sizing. She tells Bustle, “Think about what you’re already happy with being inside of you and use it as a reference.” Her golden rule? If you’re new to penetration, look for toys that are just a finger or two wide.

“A good place to start is to look at the different styles of dildos available and see what appeals to you,” she says. If you have the opportunity, she suggests going to your nearest sex shop to try out different items. “Dildos come in all lengths, sizes, materials, and widths,” says Organic Loven Taylor Sparks, a sex educator and creator of an online intimacy store. Dildos are usually phallic in form, but they may also be curvy, ridged, double-sided, vibrate, or even have suction cups (which is excellent for shower sex, FYI).

You can also experiment to see which sensations you prefer. You might prefer long, deep strokes or quick, slow strokes, for example. “Find a moment when you can be alone with yourself and/or your partner to discover the ways you may enjoy it,” she advises.

brown wooden handle on white wooden table

How Do I Decide Which Dildo To Purchase?

Material, use, store reliability, and pricing are all things to consider when purchasing your first dildo. First, decide on the penetration site and target. Sparks recommends answering the following questions to get a better understanding of which kind to buy:

  • Will you use your dildo vaginally? Do you want to anally insert your dildo?
  • What do you want it to feel like on the inside?
  • Would you wear it as a strap-on or hold it in your hand?
  • Are you going to use it by yourself or with someone else?

Stick to eco-friendly materials like medical-grade silicone, glass, stainless steel, ceramic, or ABS plastic once you’ve agreed on the size, colour, shape, and use, says Sparks. Do you want something gentle and realistic? Deysach suggests toys made entirely of silicone. Do you want something slick and tough? She recommends dildos made of stainless steel or glass. Both experts warn that jelly, rubber, and PVC products also contain toxic, unpleasant ingredients (such as phthalates) and can breed bacteria over time, so you’re better off avoiding them altogether.

Don’t forget consistency when it comes to pricing. “You never know if an insertable sex toy is right for you before you try it,” says Deysach. “Get something on the cheaper end the first time so you can upgrade or size up if the first toy isn’t quite right.” Quality dildos, according to Sparks, start about $35. (Always do your homework, read reviews, and buy from reputable stores that also sell body-safe toys.) Lovehoney, Babeland, Organic Loven, and Early to Bed, to name a few, all sell starter dildo.

Using A Dildo in a Safe Manner

Lube is your best friend when it comes to penetration. Deysach reminds readers to use lube that is toy-safe, pH-balanced, and glycerin-free. “Make sure you use plenty of compatible lube (water-based is usually best) when using any insertable toy,” she advises. Sparks adds, “Silicone lube is incompatible with silicone toys.” “With all the other materials, use every other lube [except silicone].”

“At first, take it slowly,” Deysach advises. When using larger toys, patience is much more essential. Also, avoid inserting the dildo “too deep or too hard.” Until penetrating, make sure you’re ready (read: wet enough) to insert the toy.

Sparks recommends using an eco-friendly toy cleaner after each use to prevent bacteria buildup, particularly when sharing toys. She warns that not cleaning your dildo properly can cause a pH imbalance or a bacterial infection. Intimate Earth, Sensuva, and Toy Life are three reputable brands of body-safe ingredients to choose from.

Oh, and if the toy doesn’t have a flared frame, don’t put it in anally. “In your ass,” says Deysach, “only use toys made for butt play.” What is the reason for this? It will become lost if it does not have a flanged foundation.

Tips for Dildo Users Aftercare

Aftercare, or how you look after yourself and your partner(s) after sex, is an important part of any sexual experience, whether solo or partnered, particularly when attempting something new for the first time. To begin, Sparks suggests rehydrating by drinking water. “When you’ve been playing a lot, you may feel a little sore, so don’t be afraid to add a little more lube if it feels more comfortable,” says Deysach. Vulva salves may also aid in the healing process.

Deysach advises being gentle and checking in with each other before and after partnered dildo play. Sparks recommends cuddling and talking about what they enjoyed the most and whether it’s something they’d like to do again. The post-game analysis will help you focus on the experience and strengthen your performance in the future.

Finally, experts agree that when using a dildo for the first time, you should take it slowly, be gentle with yourself, and start tiny.